Success & Failure – Page 14

Are you ready to fail?

I’ve noticed people struggle to accept failure. I don’t like to give up, but I’ve experienced a lot of failures in my life. There are times I feel down about my failures, especially after investing a lot of time and energy into something. I’m very aware that not accepting failure causes me anxiety.

Being a recovering perfectionist, I’m keenly aware when the perfectionist starts taking control of me. I tense and become frustrated, but I know failure doesn’t necessarily mean something bad. Sometimes failure just “is” … something to accept, then move on.

In my artwork, I try to quickly recover from (repair) things that go wrong. Sometimes, its not possible. Maybe a piece of art isn’t meant for public consumption. Maybe, the process of creating is really what I’m meant to do.

As I continue my journey, I am willing to accept failure. It doesn’t need to control me or leave me obsessed about what it could have been. As I look at where I am today, I am more confident about myself than ever. I know what’s in my control and what’s not. I can look back at my life and see opportunities that didn’t become much of anything. And, I can also see nothing much that turned into something big. In retrospect, all those pieces, the failures and successes, have provided me with a tremendous amount of tools to drive forward. Sometimes it may take time to actually appreciate how valuable that lesson in failure was to your current success.

After years in college, I never did find gainful employment in any of my academic studies. … So … I’m not, the wildlife biologist I had hoped to be, but its still part of who I am in very important ways. Those formative years made me better at learning and observing which are integral to being the artist I am today.

I’m grateful for the failures, because I wouldn’t be who I am if everything always went as planned. My confidence has grown, because after failing, I stood back up. It’s all about an attitude of acceptance. You make some bad art, so what? You didn’t get in the exhibit you submitted to, don’t sweat it! You can learn from these things. Are you ready to fail?

Progress

I’m working on the thread painting stage of my latest quilt. Here’s a view of the back.

I’m not too concerned about how pretty it looks from this side, because in a little bit I will be covering it up with the batting layer and backing fabric. Once that’s finished you’ll never see this view again.

This quilt has been a bit of a challenge (sometimes they behave that way). While I was working on the foliage, I noticed something visually happening with the background. It truly bothered me, so I had to think about it for awhile. What do I about that issue? Hmm?

I don’t make cookie-cutter quilts designs. Its layer, upon layer of processes. Each quilt deserves a different treatment because I’m trying to represent different subject matter. You just can’t build a tree the same way you build a bird.

Some of my techniques are similar, but I’m literally winging it on every quilt. That’s why it takes me so long sometimes to complete these larger pieces. I have to look at what I’ve done and figure out how to do what’s next.

The good news is I’ve moved passed the tree foliage and I’m working on texturizing the tree trunks with thread painting. The problem has apparently been solved for now. Progress.

That’s OK

These human-created ideas of time elude me. Sometimes I feel like I’m just whirling through the galaxy. Occasionally, I’ll stop and think, “What happened to April?” or “Is today really Wednesday … already?” or “Did I really just spend 3 hours doing bookkeeping?”

In my life, I’ve experienced days that feel like they just would not end. Occasionally, that’s because the situation is horrible and I just want to move on. Other times, its because I realize I did a ton of things and notice there’s still plenty more time to continue enjoying the day. Ahhhh, … time … sometimes I love you and sometimes I hate you.

What challenges my acceptance is when I know I’m working non-stop, yet, have little to show for it. I guess we all want to see quick results, but I know that’s not reality. Today, I look at the scraps on my cutting board and see the energy laying there. The bits remind me to accept that time moves slow. I know eventually I’ll be on to something new. For now, it just is and that’s OK.

Looking for more

I’m working on a group challenge this year that is forcing me to look at the details of an object. So, what do I really see when I see something? There are a number of ways that I look closer at an object.

Sometimes I do it with binoculars. I see the birds at the bird feeder and pull out the binocs to look at the details of the wings or feather coloration. Today, I saw a bird fluttering about the feeder and I wasn’t sure, but thought I was seeing blue. With the aide of the binoculars, I clearly saw that it was a male indigo bunting. That was exciting to to see and felt like I’d won a prize.

Another way I see details is to plop myself on the ground and look close. Frequently, as I sit on the ground, I’ll use my cellphone camera to take micro shots of tiny objects. I get as close as I can and zoom in. Its amazing the fine detail you can see with these photos.

Once I have a good image, I’ll look for more details by zooming in on it with photo editing software. For example, this week I opened up a photo of a Monarch butterfly that I took several years ago. I zoomed in and cropped the photo to show just a portion of the full image. I find it interesting because you see things that you might not normally see.

I printed the cropped image on photo transfer paper, then applied it to fabric. I guess I could have moved on from there, but the process of stitching the image forced me to look even closer at the details. As I stitched, I paid close attention to the shapes, lines, and colors in the wing. So many layers of detail. As I delve deeper into this project, I realize I am consciously and unconsciously looking for more.

Being true to my creative self

Frequently, I’m asked “How long did it take to make that?” I really wish I knew. Sorry, but I don’t time myself, it could be very depressing to know. When people ask, I usually answer them with the amount of time its taken from inspiration to completed quilt. This literally could be years. I think what they really want to know is how many hours it took me from cutting the first piece of fabric until I stick the label on the back and hang it. That’s much more difficult to quantify without timing myself along the way.

However, the other day, I was working on a new piece (I blogged about weeks ago) and I happened to notice that I spent nearly 3 hours cutting and positioning little bits of black fabric. I took a picture of my progress. Great! I’m half-way through this step! … right? ….uhm?

I left it alone overnight and when I looked at it the next day I knew I couldn’t live with it. Something wasn’t right, so I referred to my reference photos. Sure enough, I couldn’t live with what I had done (you may not even see the difference in the 2 photos).

My saving grace was that the black bits where only pinned to my design wall. Sometimes, I’m not so cautious and fuse (glue) the pieces in place without giving the design some space to percolate in my brain. Once something is fused I’m usually stuck. I either a) live with it, b) come up with plan B to fix the issue, or c) scrap it and start over.

I’ve blogged about the “point of no return” that I frequently face when I create my art quilts. There are layers and layers of process in my pieces. Literally, each step could lead to fatality. This is one reason I may step away until I feel emboldened to tackle the next step.

With this new piece, I re-grouped and fixed the problem. I’m much happier with where its going, but many hours later I’m not much farther along than I was a few days ago. There’s still plenty of work to do. I’m really OK with this, its how I do things. The finished piece has to fit what’s in my head, otherwise what’s the point of making it?

I do, however, have a problem with the fixation on time. I really don’t care how long it took me. That’s not why I’m doing this. I try to work faster/smarter, but I also work very hard at not beating myself up about it. I’ve accepted, this is how I create. Anything else is not being true to my creative self.

Being part of this tribe

I’m back from an amazing couple of days with my “tribe.” I am an active member and volunteer for SAQA (Studio Art Quilt Associates). Last week they held their annual conference in San Antonio, TX and I had the opportunity to attend. This was the 3rd conference I attended. I enjoy going because I reconnect with friends from all over the world. There’s also a ton of inspiration packed in those 4 days.

It is so rewarding to be around people who get what you’re doing and support you. That’s what a tribe is. A tribe can be your family or friends or professional acquaintances. SAQA is my art quilt tribe. I find it inspiring to share ideas with people who are on the same journey.

I also have another tribe which includes local friends who are passionate about the longleaf pine ecosystem. Because I was in San Antonio, I missed the Opening Reception for “Palustris” and missed meeting with this tribe. However, I did get to visit the exhibit earlier this week. It is so fun to walk into an art gallery and see how all the art work is displayed. The combination of pottery, mixed-media, photography, drawings, poetry and an art quilt works well with this theme. The earthy colors are warm and comforting. I am so honored to part of this exhibit and love being part of this tribe.

PALUSTRIS: Celebrating Longleaf Through the Arts
Arts Council of Moore County
Campbell House Galleries
Southern Pines, NC 28387

Exhibit Dates: April 6-27, 2018
Opening Reception: April 6 from 6 to 8p
Gallery Hours: Weekdays / 9a to 5p
Weekend Dates:
Saturday, April 14 (10a to 4p) – So. Pines House & Garden Tour
Saturday, April 21 (10a to 3p) – Party for the Pine
Saturday, April 21 (4-8p) – After-Party for Party for the Pine

A lifetime to complete

My art quilts contain layers and layers of process. I know it looks complicated, because it kind of is complicated. I find I get stuck between stages. Frequently, I’m not sure how to proceed with an idea that’s in my head.

I had that problem with this quilt (which hasn’t been named yet). The idea came to me sometime before the spring of 2013. I know this because, the inspiration photo that was taken March 23, 2013. About a year later, I also took some staged photos of a pine cone. However, I’m pretty sure I was inspired to make this quilt long before I took the photos.

I have evidence that last summer (June 2017) I started experimenting with the design elements. However, I don’t think I actually started making the quilt until this past fall. Until last fall, I was thinking about it, but hadn’t shown much action. So when should I say I actually started the quilt? When the idea hit and the years I spent thinking about it? Or, was it when I actually started putting the idea into fabric?

I have photographic proof that I was working on the quilt in October 2017. However, in July I know I was at a fabric store looking for the perfect “pinestraw” fabric. So did I start in October? or July?

I know from October until now, I hit 2 major stumbling blocks. One stopping point was when I had to figure out how to quilt the pieced top that I created (the background fabric and pinecone). The other pause was after I quilted the piece and needed to decide how to add the “pinestraw” in the foreground. Each pause took weeks (months) to get through. So should I count all this thinking when I add up my time? I don’t know. I mean thinking about it isn’t an active stage of progress. Or is it?

What I’m trying to say is that, for me, its difficult to say how long something took to make. If I use the inspiration photo as my starting point, then it took me 5 years to complete. If I use the actually quilt making process, then it took me about 5 months. But, If I use the actual labor hours as my guide, then its probably taken me about 40 hours.

Realistically, I tend to like to look at it differently. I believe I must consider all the years I studied art, sewing, quilting, photography and nature. Without all that study time and practice, I wouldn’t have any of it. So, if you ask, I’m going to tell you that this quilt took me a lifetime to complete.

I’ve been published!

Quilting Arts Magazine
Dec17/Jan18
Cover Artist
Click Here to Get a Signed Copy!

Here with me

How’s your January going? Between weather events and facing some difficult challenges, I’m happy to say goodbye to January. Goodbye and good riddance. I’m ready to start over and begin some new adventures.

I’m optimistic that February is going to be good, because that’s when the Feb/Mar 2018 edition of Quilting Arts Magazine hits the newsstand. Since I subscribe, I’ve already received my copy and perched on page 82 is another article written by me! I’m so very excited!

I’ve known about this for a little while. Over the summer, I wrote this article and the one in last month’s edition. I use to work for a publishing company and they always advised us not to talk about an upcoming publication. You just never know …. until you’re in print, anything could happen to stop publication.

I submitted both proposals early last year and waited several months before I heard anything from the editor. I was so overwhelmed and honored when editorial director, Vivika Hansen DeNegre, sent me 2 congratulatory notifications on the same day. Both articles were accepted! I completed both by the end of September. I also prepared samples to show my process and sent them off to be photograph. Yes, I was busy those few months, but I couldn’t let you know. Now it seems like so long ago and seeing them in print is surreal.

I’m excited that I can finally tell you about it and hope you get a chance to read the articles. I still have copies of the Dec/Jan edition in my Etsy store and I will be adding copies of the Feb/March edition very soon (I’ll even autograph them if you like). These publications, along with some other changes I’ve made in my life, mark the start of a new direction for me. I’m looking forward to this journey and I’m glad to know you’re here with me.

I’ve been published!

Quilting Arts Magazine
Dec17/Jan18
Cover Artist
Click Here to Get a Signed Copy!

This is all making me think

Yet another snow day here. January has just been full of cold and wet weather. Between holidays and bad weather, will things every get back into a normal schedule?

Yesterday, I had a conversion with a friend who is a textile artist. It was very thought-provoking for me. There’s a common ground you find with people on the same path in life. There’s an understanding of the inevitable challenges we face in our profession. You realize you’re not alone in the struggles. When you talk with someone who understands, you not only find support, but you also find yourself thinking more deeply about your own personal journey.

When you decide to be a professional artist, unless you’re very lucky (or wealthy), you have to be responsible for all tasks of running your business. You are the marketing agent, shipping clerk, bookkeeper, administrative assistant and technical support team all encased in one body (and mind). Within a normal 24 hour day, you must accomplish the business tasks and find time to create the art.

Then there’s the question of “How??? Do I make the money?” Do you stay true to the artistic voice that screams in your head? Or, do you sell out and go for the money promoting products and services? Or maybe you do a little of both? And then what happens when, let’s say after you’ve made a name, you decide to venture into some other style or art form?

It really becomes a balancing act. I have artist friends who are in the business of marketing their art at very commercial levels. And, I have others friends who are in it for art sake. Its interesting to see how they both push themselves (or not) and what happens to them on the journey. I know my weaknesses and strengths. And on this snowy Wednesday, this is all making me think.

I’ve been published!

Quilting Arts Magazine
Dec17/Jan18
Cover Artist
Click Here to Get a Signed Copy!

With good company

Browsing the magazine isle at a local grocery store, I had this surreal experience of looking up and recognizing one of the cover images. I know that bird on the top shelf all too well. He was born in my soul and now graces the cover of Quilting Arts Magazine. I’m happy to see he’s hanging out with good company.

See my work and discover my process of “Creating Highlights & Shadows”
Quilting Arts Magazine
December 2017/January 2018
available in book stores or online at Interweave Press